[identity profile] auroryborealis.livejournal.com
Rory smiled, her arms laden with two shopping bags and one garment bag as she and Anakin walked through downtown New Haven. She had been more than happy to pull out a scarf and jacket with the cooling weather, and even if it was starting to get too dark to see, the trees were just barely changing color.

"So what do you feel like, food-wise?" she asked as yet another pair of sorority girls (she guessed) scampered past, eyeing Anakin with either interest or amusement. Rory didn't really care which one, since she liked neither, and stepped just a hair closer to him as a result.

Because she didn't want some whore to be all whorey at her...friend. Yes. Friend. No other reason.
[identity profile] notstakedyet.livejournal.com
A late night of demon fighting plus a bright burning thing in the sky outside meant Angel was currently in his room with the blackout curtains drawn and napping, totally napping doing some work from the comfort of his favorite chair.

[ooc: for the guy who Angel could totally beat in a fight, omg]
[identity profile] emo-padawan.livejournal.com
This is how it feels to be Darth Vader.

You look into the mirror for the first time since Mustafar and don't recognize yourself. Your hands are no longer your own—you can't grip things on the first try. You are three inches taller than you had been, and have—temporarily, you pray—lost your usual grace. And when you look at the reflection of the stranger you have become, you cannot even see your own eyes. The helmet that helps you see, helps you hear, helps you survive, will cover your face forever.

And if you didn't hate Obi-Wan so much for what he's done to you, you'd almost be grateful for it. You stare, and you memorize the face before you, and you come to understand that there is nothing left of the man who used to be Anakin Skywalker.

There is nothing in the terrifying visage that would ever hint that the man underneath was ticklish, or used to practice using the Force by making balls of glitter, or could laugh until tears streamed down his face.

There is nothing of a son, of a friend, of a husband, of a father, in that mask. And all of your rage and all of your hatred and all of the power you should have had if you were whole again and not this half-droid monstrosity…none of it can change that.

There is only you now.

Alone.

In the dark.

Forever.

And that's all that will ever be left.

And so in your furnace heart, in that ball of rage that is all that was once left of a Jedi, you take the parts of your old life and you try to erase them all. You try to forget Tatooine and the Temple, Naboo and Fandom, thousands of memories and hundreds of faces.

But it doesn't work. You close your eyes and Padmé's face haunts you. Your ears still ring with Obi-Wan's final plea. Look too long into nothing and you see the Temple younglings, illuminated by the sickening glow of your lightsaber.

You remember all of it.

And you always will.

And the hatred you feel towards Obi-Wan for letting you turn out this way, the rage you feel towards Palpatine for laying this, the perfect trap…it pales in comparison to the enormous mountain of self-loathing you have for yourself.

The shadow is all you have left.

And so you wrap it around yourself, cloak yourself in that pain and that hatred and that rage.

And go off to inflict it upon the rest of your galaxy.

This is how it feels to be Darth Vader.

...Forever.

[OOC: And now that I have brought Anakin full circle, this is his final entry as an alum. *sobs* The "this is how it feels" concept lovingly borrowed from the mighty Matt Stover who wrote the Episode III novelization and was the reason I began to love this deeply flawed and frustrating character to begin with. Hope I did him justice.]
[identity profile] emo-padawan.livejournal.com
Anakin'd had enough.

He'd had enough of the in-fighting and petty bickering on the Council that had kept him from becoming a Jedi like everyone knew he should've been for entirely too long. He was one of the best battlefield commanders they had--even Palpatine said so--and they had waited until he was practically 23 before knighting him? Ridiculous. And now they were complaining about his tactics at the Battle of Praesitlyn, calling them reckless and unauthorized. It had worked, hadn't it? The Dreadnaught cruisers had been destroyed, which had been the whole point. Palpatine had called the idea brilliant. They were just jealous.

Anakin's getting close to the Dark Side. Too bad he's not having a bad feeling about this... )
[identity profile] emo-padawan.livejournal.com
In the moments before the sun rose above the lake, Anakin walked onto the porch, closed his eyes and stretched out into the Force, desperate for a last few moments of peace before he and Padmé returned to Coruscant.

And lo, Episode II happened in flashback... )

Mistakes I Made - Fran Lucci
[identity profile] emo-padawan.livejournal.com
Almost a year had passed since he'd left Fandom and Anakin's mood had not improved. He'd gone on missions, he'd dozed his way through negotiations, he'd ignored Obi-Wan's constant scoldings and the concerned looks that he wasn't supposed to notice anyway. As they sped around the galaxy, trying to hold together a Republic that seemed bent on its own destruction, a part of Anakin's brain had kept track of time in Fandom.

He'd missed Rory's birthday. )
[identity profile] emo-padawan.livejournal.com
It had been more than three months since Anakin had returned from Fandom and Obi-Wan was starting to seriously consider finding another pond to throw his Padawan into. Anakin was setting a new standard for sullenness, short-temperedness and general irritability. And Obi-Wan was including the entire year Anakin was 15 in the equation, too, which was saying something—and nothing good—about his Padawan's mood.

They were back in the Temple... )
[identity profile] emo-padawan.livejournal.com
Anakin's eyes were still slightly bloodshot when he stepped off the transport at the Jedi Temple.

Obi-Wan was waiting for him, a welcoming smile on his face.

"Welcome home," he said, gripping Anakin's shoulder firmly and looking into his eyes. "You've been missed."

Anakin smiled. "Thank you, Master."

Obi-Wan had known Anakin too long and too well not to know that he was hurting. He also knew that distraction was one of the best cures. "We have a mission briefing in a few minutes," he said. "A bit of trouble on Dantooine." He smiled. "From what I've heard, it will require your…flair with a lightsaber rather than a series of negotiations."

Anakin's eyes filled with gratitude. "Sounds interesting, Master," he said.

Mace Windu strode into the hanger and gave Anakin a sharp nod. "Skywalker," he said. "A word, please." One of Mace's unique powers in the Force allowed him to see shatterpoints—places in time where the future could be molded in one direction or another—and Anakin's return to the Temple was one of those hinging events. The image of the lightsaber crystal hanging around the Earth girl's neck had stuck with him. It was time to make it very clear to Anakin where his loyalties needed to lie.

Obi-Wan gave Anakin another smile. "I'll see you in the briefing room," he said and walked off.

Anakin moved closer to Mace. "Yes, Master?" he asked, bowing.

Mace held out his hand. "Your comlink, please," he said without preamble.

Anakin handed it over, looking confused.

Mace dropped it onto the floor and then crushed it under his boot. "You're a Jedi," he said evenly. "It's past time you remembered what that means."

Anakin stared at the floor, a flood of emotions rushing through him in the few seconds it took him to regain control: shock and loss and a sudden, overwhelming rage.

The muscles in his jaw clenched tightly. "Yes, Master," he said, bowing.

"The datapad will be returned as well, Skywalker," Mace continued. "You need to reflect on the matters in this galaxy rather than any other. There's more than enough going on here to keep you occupied."

With that he spun on his heel and walked off.

Anakin stared at the pieces of the comlink on the floor for a long moment, then straightened his back and stalked off to find Obi-Wan. He had a mission to get briefed on.

As he walked away, the future of the galaxy got a little bleaker. Anakin had shattered, all right. In the wrong direction.

[OOC: And now Anakin is off to face his destiny with no way to be contacted by anyone from Fandom. It's been a hell of a run. Thank you all.]
[identity profile] notstakedyet.livejournal.com
After coming home from Vegas which hadn't been played yet since SOMEBODY had to go to a con - ahem Angel decided that he really needed to get back into the swing of making his business act like a real business.

So he was trying to organize his paperwork.

If this looked like he was secretly watching sports on TV, that was sheer coincidence.

[ooc: For Anakin, and later on Veronica]

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